confussion inside of me

There’s nothing this year, i always feeling many uncomfortable feeling , and at the end of the day if i strugle to find out what’s happen to me, it feels like i can think about anything, maybe its what they called a stressfull situation. Christmas is the only holiday time when i can feel full revealing, but this year every month feel the same, the joy only last for a minute, but the pain remains forever. Wanna be a kid again and repeating many things that i should’ve done when it came to me. I really miss the joy, miss the spirit, miss my spirit. I know whatever happen to me, i shouldn’t change myself and being what they want me to be, keep it real and keep holding on what i think was true. It seems like i don’t know myself anymore. I don’t have any character, i am turning into something i don’t know, and turning into something that i hate to be. I don’t know how to make me feel the same, the same feeling that relay inside of me , when i was in the middle of a huge problem, and i made it my way. I know , i can’t blame anyone for this but i just like living human. Like zombie, i am alive but don’t have any feelings or maybe afraid to felt anything. Even when i was talking to myself, it just not me. I have to find a way to make me get the same old feelings that keep me live until now, or i’ll drown and really dead