about a boy

hey, back again my dear blog, here i am in everlasting pain, alone in my dark and cold room...im sorry cause i always share bad things with u, but after all u are the only thing i can cry to and tell story to....so i was thinking..like i always do, drowned in my thought without care about anything, and wht i thought about is about a person..this person i like so much, he help me get through many problems, make me open my eyes to see another good things that i have, he help me find a happiness but at the same time, he make me suffer so...mucchh...more than anyone cud make me..i hate it for tht...i knw tht i will be hurt but then somehow i come again, like asking for more pain, i knw he didnt mean to, but it still hurt..i wonder y guys are so egoist..i always have to feel sorry for no giving wht he ask..but afterall i never ask anything...im so sad...like i never before..ive been in pain..even way really hurt more than this, and i can live with it...but now..it seems a lot different..he makes me weak..feels like im a girl, like i dont have any choice....i hate many things he did to me...but then...with tht hurt..i feel alive..atleast i feel something...cause i used to feel nothing..but it even so hard to feel...to get used to this hurts..he make me jealous so much, he make me wait, he make me change..i knw he likes her sooo muucchhhh...like everything....im just nothing..just a girl he plays with...im a disaster..im not worth to get any good thing..if i said it to him, i bet he must be ...mad with me...yeah..so wht..he still will love her...and im here alone again...after all the sweet things..im back to black, i think its my destiny to be always in pain, always in regret , noone and nothing will change..its only like entertainment..and i have to back to where i belong...dark, cold, bitter..and hurts....yeah thts me..i hope he's happy with her..and have a happy life and most i hope he can forget me and everything bout me...the same to me...i hope i can forget...anything...but he took everything in me..even my bed remains me of him...my pillow..i dont know wht to do..i hope God can take away my breathe and bring me to heaven...to forget him forever...

this is a song..but i dont really knw who sing this..but as long sas i remembre..she is a girl i think...this song is a song tht really express my personality..and the way im gonna live my life

life

nobody knows who i really am
i always feel this empty along
and if i will need someone who come along
who's gonna comfort me and give me strength?
we are the rolling boat of faith
the waves keep on coming and we can't escape
when we ever felt lost on our way, a way which got us
to another day

nobody knows who i really am
maybe they just dont give a damn
and if i will need someone who come along
i know you will follow me and give me strength

and everytime i see your face
the ocean sea out to my heart
you make me wanna struggling
so i can see the shore

i want u to know who i really am
i never though i gonna feel this again
if i will need someone who come along
are you gonna follow me and give me strength

just nothing

ok..im back again..ok im happy..no maybe im not..am i numb?? maybe i dont knw wht i feel..its like a combination of all tht..but i dont even knw if thts true...it feels like wanna cry, or laugh or just shut up..im so dizzy...its just too much..when i need someone to talk to..i mean..some1 i expect to talk to me..he's not there..then..wht i sud do..i knw..just wht he wanna say..but its not enough for me , i need him to talk to me..really...i wanna end this..i wanna travel abroad, start a new live..forget all this...make a new cover of me...im so messed up with my life...ppl dont see tht..but i do feel tht..a lot...im smilin..but is it..a real smile?? i dont even knw tht...so help me out..anyone...help me..God come on..i need u now..i knw u there with me..then give me smthing to hold on to...i really need help..