just nothing

ok..im back again..ok im happy..no maybe im not..am i numb?? maybe i dont knw wht i feel..its like a combination of all tht..but i dont even knw if thts true...it feels like wanna cry, or laugh or just shut up..im so dizzy...its just too much..when i need someone to talk to..i mean..some1 i expect to talk to me..he's not there..then..wht i sud do..i knw..just wht he wanna say..but its not enough for me , i need him to talk to me..really...i wanna end this..i wanna travel abroad, start a new live..forget all this...make a new cover of me...im so messed up with my life...ppl dont see tht..but i do feel tht..a lot...im smilin..but is it..a real smile?? i dont even knw tht...so help me out..anyone...help me..God come on..i need u now..i knw u there with me..then give me smthing to hold on to...i really need help..